Dear Prof Brad,
I am taking this chance to introduce myself. My name is Marcus Chong. I am currently in year 1 studying mechanical engineering in SIT.
Before my national service, I graduated with a diploma in electronics in Temasek Polytechnic in the year 2020. I did my polytechnic internship with the company SATS, and it was a good experience as I was able to communicate with pilots of different nationalities. After polytechnic, I moved on to national service and I was in the Air Force. My main job there was to maintain the fighter jets’ weapons. I had chosen mechanical engineering after polytechnic is because I find mechanical engineering to be more vast in nature and I am able to explore the different engineering industry.
According to my friends, I am an introvert but when I’m comfortable I can be very loud. I would consider this as my weakness as it affects my communication skills. Despite going through national service, I still find myself not able to communicate effectively with strangers. Therefore, I hope through this critical thinking and communication skills module, I will be able to improve this weakness of mine.
After graduating from polytechnic and national service, I find that I have the ability to grasp mathematical concepts well and able to use that to enhanced my learning capabilities. I will use this capability to learn how to work on my presentation skills as well as communication skills.
My main goal at the end of this module is to be able to present to an audience, be it large or small, without having stage fright as it will be essential when I am out in the workforce after university. In the writing aspect, I hope to be able to write a technical report professionally of any kind.
In all, I still have many opportunities to learn in life, however, communication is my number one priority right now. I look forward to your upcoming classes to hone my effective communication skills.
Regards,
Marcus Chong
Language use was generally good with minor sentence structure and grammatical mistakes.
ReplyDeleteOther than some minor grammer error such as "I HAD chosen mechanical engineering after polytechnic IS because I find mechanical engineering to be more vast in nature and I AM able to explore the different engineering industry." and few sentence structure can be improved, overall this letter is clear and easy to read.
ReplyDelete2nd paragraph, in should be replaced with from "I graduated with a diploma in electronics in Temasek Polytechnic in the year 2020."
ReplyDeleteThe "is because" make it very Singlish, is should be removed. I feel the industry should be changed to industries due to "different" making it multiple industries "I had chosen mechanical engineering after polytechnic is because I find mechanical engineering to be more vast in nature and I am able to explore the different engineering industry."
This sentence is too wordy, "and" can be replaced with a comma to make it less wordy "I had chosen mechanical engineering after polytechnic is because I find mechanical engineering to be more vast in nature and I am able to explore the different engineering industry. "
In 3rd paragraph, you are missing a few punctuations, before but there should be a comma "I am an introvert but when I’m comfortable I can be very loud."
At the end of this sentence should be a full stop instead of a comma "Therefore, I hope through this critical thinking and communication skills module,"
4th paragraph, to be more concise "I have the ability to grasp"
be replaced with can.
you are missing a verb for able and enhanced should be enhance "and able to use that to enhanced my learning capabilities."
5th paragraph, remember to put comma before AS "My main goal at the end of this module is to be able to present to an audience, be it large or small, without having stage fright, as it will be essential when I am out in the workforce after university."
Last paragraph, the comma before however should be changed to full stop instead "In all, I still have many opportunities to learn in life, however, communication is my number one priority right now."
Although there are grammatical errors and clarity issues in some sentences, the letter is otherwise well written and organised.
ReplyDelete